It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
