Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
