evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
