I am puke
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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