if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
