Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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