You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He did a backflip because drugs
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