Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize