final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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