I didn't shave. On purpose
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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