White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
