You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
