I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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