i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize