So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
