Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
