who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
