Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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