my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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