She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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