AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I love you.
Bad choice
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
