How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
