By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize