Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
