i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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