explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
