Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
