3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
