maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
