Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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