Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
