I am puke
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
