Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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