Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
