Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
