No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Still dying that you shit outside
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize