I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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