my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Pants 0. Shit 1.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
