Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
