So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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