I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I would ride that face into the sunset
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
