If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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