____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Please don't give away my fajitas
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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