Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
