he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
