I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
