Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
