Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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