HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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