YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
