They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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