oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
