Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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