Define "chronic" masturbator.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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