My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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