in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize