I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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