I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
