Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
