see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
