and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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