she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
