sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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