Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
