He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
